Monkeys are Fan-tastic. Monkey stories are even better. This one, written by one Ray Quintanilla (seemingly an aspiring writer) is awesome! Lyrical prose, complex plots and sub-plots, character development, its all there. And true!

Judicously quoted classic lines from the article: “Fear is turning to outrage,” “It would be very bad if these monkeys got to San Juan,” and perhaps the scariest of all, “fertile and aggressive,” how can you not read this Monkey story?

Excerpt:

“At first we all thought it was cute,” said Vasquez, 60. “Then it started tipping over all of my plants in the balcony and growling at me.”

When she called police, authorities from the island’s natural-resource department showed up wearing white body suits and masks to protect themselves. “That scared me even more,” she said.

Source: Seattle Times

Who doesn’t like the movie babe? Only people with one eyebrow I think.

» Read the rest of the entry..

This monkey madness brought to you by, Shimla India. Whats an authority to do when monkeys become criminals stealing from children and tourists? Plant more trees in the forest in hopes that the gangs move out? Or… sterilize the population!? Why its door number two! But why!?

Besides damaging crops, biting children and the occasional drunken sprees, the monkeys are also blamed by the traffic police for causing at least three car crashes as they jumped onto roads suddenly, catching the unsuspecting motorists unaware on the narrow, winding and dangerous hilly roads.

But how!? There are 3 options, surgery, immunization, and lasers, “…which is more safe and best.”

Random quote with author commentary:

… 80 percent [ of monkeys in Himachal Pradesh] live in towns, suburbs and villages in the state.

— AND THIS IS PROGRESS?!!!

People who read the sun are stupid. Are they stupid because they read the sun, or does the sun cater to stupid people. Hmmmm for another day. Anyway, this column by Greg Watson is written like I would have written it - in Grade 8. To summarize, first mistake, no paragraphs. Second mistake, manages to spin a plan that allows for people to keep working and the creation of a park into a bad deal for taxpayers yet fails to highlight the real bad news. Enjoy:

…commission is headed by Marcel Beaudry, a Jean Chretien appointee so beloved in these parts that his face currently adorns mock “Wanted” posters being distributed by a campaigning Liberal candidate and pal of Paul Martin.

Assumption: everything to do with Chretien is bad. [ed note: he did some good things... allright, everyday, seems more likey to be an ass]

So much fun with other people’s money was the handiwork of the National Capital Commission, the cash-eating federal agency that started out weeding the local tulip beds and wound up buying half of Ottawa for something to do.

Awesome sentance, bravo. WTF does it mean “…so much fun with other people’s money was the handiwork…”?

Sources familiar with the transaction, however, say no matter how much the NCC wanted the property, the truth is no one in the Liberal government was about to kick 500 Quebec workers out of their jobs.

What if the word Quebec wasn’t there… then it just sounds like they didn’t want people to loose their jobs. Odd that.

Canadian taxpayers 25 years from now will be on the hook for any and all environmental cleanup from 100 years of chemical and industrial uses.

Greg baby! What happened, this is GOLD! This really is bad news and what no allegory? No symbolism, no explanation? No history repeats itself examples? Boo-urns.

Source: Flush with government cash

Chris Anderson of the Long Tail blog has neatly summarized a few media statistics by meduim (which is the message). For example, music sales where down 21% last year. So what does this mean? Who knows, but in conjunction with this smackdown of an article by Michael Geist entitled, Piercing the peer–to–peer myths: An examination of the Canadian experience » Read the rest of the entry..

I like monkey news. I find it funny. I also find it interesting that the author is basically listing facts, one sentance at a time. Its almost as if a monkey wrote it. » Read the rest of the entry..

Jim Brown
Canadian Press

Thursday, April 07, 2005

The top aide to Heritage Minister Liza Frulla has stepped down - at least temporarily - after he was named in explosive testimony at the federal sponsorship inquiry.

Good start, we know the background, there is a scandal, someone named names, and now an aid is stepping down. Oh yes, an all powerfull aid. Now the government can point its finger and say ‘look, we are serious!’

To continue:

John Welch, who took over as Frulla’s chief of staff in January, was the subject of allegations by Montreal ad executive Jean Brault. The move temporarily relieves at least one headache Prime Minister Paul Martin faces as a result of testimony at the sponsorship hearings that may splash mud on some people still serving in the government.

Well what did he do?

In previously banned evidence that was released Thursday, Brault claimed he was pressured by Liberal party officials in 1996 to put Welch on the payroll at his company, Groupaction Mareketing. Brault said he did so, and paid Welch a salary of $80,000 a year, despite the fact that his real job was to organize for the Liberals in Quebec. ”He came to the office, he was very active on the telephone and we were made to understand that he did work of one nature or another for the party,” Brault told the inquiry headed by Justice John Gomery.

He volunteered to do so while he fights to clear his name and will continue to receive his normal salary, said Lapierre.

I’m sure he volunteered… real sure. Lastly:

Most of the key players in the scandal are long gone from the inner circles of power. But Welch was not the only one of the current crop of cabinet aides to come under scrutiny as a result of Brault’s testimony.

Really? Who else? Oh its a cliffhanger article…

[source]

The now famous blog run by �Ed Morrissey � Captain Ed to his friends� has updated again, this time with even more damning testimony from the Gomery enquiry. I still can’t post the details due to legal concerns and the fact that I think my host is spineless. Indeed,

Canada’s attorney general is probing possible breaches of a publication ban set up to protect explosive testimony at the AdScam inquiry.

That said, I have to agree with many of the comments on TBTCBN (The blog that cannot be named), and around the blogosphere in that the situation is potentially deadly stuff for the current Government. What is even scarier is what happens should the current government fail. Already the impact of the testimony has caused the government to rewrite the budget, dropping Kyoto in order to avert a non-confidence vote. What happens if that doesn’t work and we get to voting in 5 weeks? Are Ontarians ready to vote Conservative? The question will be, the devil you know vs. the devil you don’t.

Lastly, if I link to a source that links to publication ban material, am I in trouble. Here is a link to google, which is full of the stuff.